Friday, October 27, 2006

PwNinG

Sorry we have not talked in awhile, I've been playin Halo 2 and I'm just nasty at it. An i pre-ordered a wireless headset today and it comes out on Saturday so weee. I'm having a Halloween party tomorrow yay!. I'm losing weight which is nice. And im going skateboarding tomorrow with ben since he's home. You know my goal is an Abercrombie & Fitch Model...haha stupid bitch.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

My bad..

Woh! I haven't updated in eons...Well my hard drive went berserk! so now im using a 4 gig hard drive and mac os 9 lol mad ghetto. for those of you who don't know what 4 gigs are...my friends ipod nano can hold more info than mine which sucks, haven't been up to much, skating fixing this imac hanging out. Kas came from NY this weekend and stayed at my house with her friend other than that nothings changed but i will right more as soon as i get a better hard drive wow...those last 3 words laggggggged..lol PAYCE!

Monday, October 09, 2006

Fun.

Damn this weekend was awesome! Nick came home on Saturday and we went to Quiznos then we watched a few skate videos. After that we went to the Main Ave. fair in Clifton. Were we watched Karla sing on stage and hung out with Ben,Ezra,Lance and Colleen and some other kids I didn't know and some I did know. Afterwards we headed out and dropped Lance off and picked up Keith. Hung out at the arcade for a bit met up with Dre and then went to skate at Colombus. it was so awesome we all had fun. After that we went to get food at Whitecastle and drinks. Then we ate a little bit and called Davy and Duffy picked them up and found some weed and watched Michael Jackson Moonwalker....FUCK man that shit was trippy. Damn I was fucked up I left Bens at 7:30am wow what a weekend I miss my Boys but DON'T STOP DON'T STOP TILL YOU GET ENOUGH!! OWWWWWW!!!

Friday, October 06, 2006

Life!

Yeah I talked to her today. Man this shit sucks and especially how we both stalled back in forth. I wouldn't shut up about shit pretended that my computer was lagging just cause I was nervous. I mean it's done it before with the stupid xbox but it was like I was afraid what she was to tell me. Like hey I have a new boyfriend fuck off. Which she does but I mean she's only been seeing her for a month....whatever I'm done worrying about her. I just can't stand it, ugh fuck that guy he looks like a fucken wannabe Killers fag. But im not that much of a looker. Whatever fuck him. I'm so angry at this it's fucken ridiculous.
But we talked for a while and I sent her some Elliott Smith songs, thats funny cause I was just talking about him yesterday. Man I hate talking to her it kills me. But yet I love talking to her and I miss her. Tomorrow Nick's coming home from Rutgers and were going to CHS Homecoming Game....WACK. But I get to see him Colleen and Stephanie. That should be fun. Well it's time to go download more shit. Later....you know I fucken hate that word...LATER....to her it used to make her wish that when I said later I was saying I love you....is she fucking with me when all she said was later? You know what?


LATER.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Awesome.

Last night I went to the arcade and saw Pat he want's to take me to a party in the City tonight at 11:00pm. So that's awesome I haven't hung out with them in awhile. And I also get to see Ben. I'm going to go skateboard around soon.And fuck I need to loose weight I just need some exercise discipline,hopefully I'll loose some I need to make myself feel better.

Thank you.

I've been listening to Elliott Smith more than usual and it soothing. I wish I could thank you for such great music and how you make people like me feel better about things.I'm missing people, not misplaced of course. But this wind is killing me the Autumn and all this music. It's killing me inside everything is killing me. I want my friends and such.But before I stop writing this heres something I've been listening to.



Drink up, baby, look at the stars, i'll kiss you again
between the bars where i'm seeing you
there with your hands in the air waiting to finally be caught
drink up one more time and i'll make you mine
keep you apart deep in my heart separate from the rest
where i like you the best
and keep the things you forgot
the people you've been before that you don't want around anymore
that push and shove and won't bend to your will
i'll keep them still.



Thanks Elliott.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Explosions in the Sky.

Hey how's it going Mr./Mrs. Blogger I haven't written in awhile. Sorry I was working but I just threw my back out at 20, doesn't that shit suck? It's all those times being worked like the true Mexican I am. Haha. Well tomorrow I'll get to see my friends (hopefully) I deleted my "Myspace." I was getting kinda sick of it so you know the rest. I just bpught an Xbox 360 Live Vision Camera for my Xbox it's cool and fun, watching people make complete fools of themselves sure gets me going. Well let me go now so I have some energy for staying up all night playing Xbox then watching Maisy on Noggin in the morning since nothing good is on. Oh and P.S I have like a 8624809624 Degree burn on my right hand from a grease burn, This shit sucks.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Wait a minute...

When you end a relationship (or have it ended by someone else) you end it for a reason, and one of those reasons is that you do not want to be with that person anymore. Then why at 4 in the morning do you suddenly start to think about every girl in the world that you've dated? It's not me having any regrets or anything, it's more like missing certain things.
Like when i was 13 years old, i fell in love with a girl I just met that summer before High School. I met her a week before she went back home. And those 7 days really changed who I was. At 13 years old you don't know anything, or nothing at all about love. But you think you do and then you start doing dumb things like focusing on some girl you met in 4 days before anything. But anyhow she was beautiful, blonde blue eyes gorgeous smile, nothing I ever had before. But more than that she was my first summer love. Everyone knows how that goes. The main thing about this whole novel I'm writing is that you miss people because you start to miss what they smell like and feel like. She smelled like a field of roses and her room like a sweet carnation. I know, I know I'm starting to sound like I'm describing my mom's bathroom cleaner but isn't the smell of someone the greatest thing in the world? But the worst thing in the world is when the smell of you reminds you of someone you really love now and miss, now that fucks with your head majorly. Anyways, her and I broke up and became the closest of friends of course we were intimate in certain aspects later on but that always seems to happen one way or another.
Now through High School you learn a lot of things through relationships and other peoples experiences which prove to be helpful at times.So on that note. I dated this girl in High School she was beautiful to but I don't miss her at all why is that? We still talk from time to time, more than the girl before her and I don't miss her at all. She was great and everything but we broke up before the summer was over, we then almost got back together in January of that year. She fucked me up in the head real bad worse than girl number 1. I was head over heels for her but i don't remember anything about her no scent, no feel, no taste. Why is that? WEIRD!
While i was talking to girl number 2 there was this girl which I never put too much emphasis on her, she usually stayed low-key. I lent her my cd player from time to time I hardly looked at her. She moved away that year to another school system in a different town nearby. I never ever talked to her again...until! One day I saw her at the mall passing by with her friends around 2 years after she left the school. Boy was she gorgeous, what the fuck was I not seeing. Maybe i was too involved in low grab instagib servers and skateboarding in High School, I'm sure you geeks know that for sure. But wow, she was beautiful and still is. We talked on the computer, well she found my Xanga (wack ass blog for asians) and we started talking. I believe it took us about 2 months plus to hang out, that shit really sucked. When we finally hung out i think we went to the arcade in her parents truck. It was one hell of a windy day and we then went to a mountain nearby, it was more like a make-out spot and I joked with her saying she wanted to hook up with me when in reality I couldn't leep my eyes away from her eyes. Her eyes were the most captivating things and her smile with her cute laugh, her hair in a bun with the two strands of hair coming down her face.I loved that girl from the beginning. We hung out for a few months and then started dating in June I think the 25th not really remember but I'm sure she won't either. We dated for about 6 months and then we broke up we were intimate and it was amazing. I miss her blue underwear, and that bottle of some Gap perfume,that smelled like heaven. I hope her life is well, we don't talk at all she actually doesn't like me and that's fine what am I suppose to do? I'm not mother fucken Thereasa (rest in peace) but I would be her friend,we owe that to each other.
Now I've been through a lot more relationships than the ones mentioned but who I miss the most is the girl I think I was meant to be with for the rest of my life. She is the most beautiful girl in the world. She has the best personality and she loved me for who I am. Not a lot of people can say that about someone. We started seeing each other around a month or two after girl number 3 and I broke up. We have known each other for a good 2 to 3 years we all spent prom weekend together with her boyfrend at the time my best friend now, and a bunch of our friends at his beach house. When I saw her I felt something take me somewhere else. Well lets fast forward and not back track. I went with to her Junior prom with her that year of 2005 in April or something. We then went back to her house and had a little party with some close friends. Damn i got plastered and so did she. We ended sleeping on her pull out bed in her basement and having our first kiss. It was the most memorable kiss of my life. Well we hung out a lot after that and she told me in a letter that she was not sure if she wanted to rush into a relationship. I told her that would be fine, no matter how long she would take to make up her mind i would be there waiting for her.
On May 13th 2005 at 11:50 or so. We were parked in front of my house when she asked me if i wanted to be with her. I knew I loved her from the first day we kissed and that was the happiest 5 mins in a car I would ever have. We dated for 9 months, and that summer was one of the most life defining summers I ever had. She really wasn't around as much that summer since she was grounded for over half of it. I think it was my fault since her parents...well more like her mom was not too fond of me. I mean I don't go to school I work, but I work hard and I'm not the most clean cut guy, and her beautiful model daughter was dating a kid who looks a little shady. Ha! really i'm the nicest person you will ever meet but I do have my flaws. Anyways, I realized that summer that my parents did not give a shit who about me and spent half the summer out allday and night sleeping here and there. I finally went back home but that lasted about 3 months. i have my friends to thank for Lance,Kevin,Nick,Neel,John,Bill,Dre, and everyone else who made me feel as part of them that summer and always had my best interest at heart.But I digress, we broke up in February because I never call her and never told her what was really going on in my life. Thats a suitable reason and I understand why. Well for starters I wasn't working anymore my phone was lost and I was living off my money in my bank account. My parents found out and froze the account around Christmas. They shut it down when I went to the city to take her out to dinner. One of my friends knew what was happening and paid for all the expenses. I didn't want to tell her about it and she asked what was wrong in the car. But honestly I didn't let her know about some financial problems I was having. The truth is you really don't want to tell the one you loved your financially fucked. It's something you just don't say and that was one of the reasons she broke up with me. We didn't speak for 2 months or so I was living with a new girl and I was really happy I missed her everyday and wanted to talk to her but i eventually got over her.
until....she sent me an e-mail saying she want's to hang out and be friends. Man that fucked me up. we started talking again and she asked me the last week of April if i wanted to go to her senior prom with her. I jumped to the chance and said yes, not thinking about my current girlfriend. But she came over and visited my other friend that lived there and asked me after she left. We then went to prom and before that we were hanging out and had some close calls to getting caught just hanging out but eveyrthing was fine. Prom was fucken amazing, I rented my tux bought the corsage and left everything at my parents house. They absolutely love her and they do to this day. After prom we drove down to the shore house that we all rented, which were like 14 kids, we all knew each other. So her and I and two of our friends rode down. When we were heading to prom she insisted we would listen to a cd I made her when we drove down and thats we did. As all these songs played to prom and down the shore i couldn't stop looking at her, beautiful in a hot pink dress and beautiful in a black band t-shirt. The parkway lights shimmered in her light brown hair and the orange console lights lit up her hazel eyes so bright i could see myself in them with her forever. When arrived to the beach house we grabbed a room which we shared with my favorite jew and my favorite jew's girlfriend. We threw all our shit down and head for the beach, which was only a 5 minute walk. We layed there and watch the sky and talk for 30 minutes. Put my hand over her head and put my face on her cheek and then when I looked up she yelled " Look a shooting star!" The very first shooting star I saw and boy was it beautiful. That was the most perfect moment in my entire life. We headed back to the house and had a few drinks then laid in bed all covered in sand. We were facing each other and she started talking " I miss you so much, and I want to be with you forever Uli i don't think I ever stopped loving you." then we kissed. It was like we were holding that kiss in for years, so much emotion came out we both started crying and holding each other. Actually i don't think i can write anymore I'm so upset from it right now i started crying. Well I fucked it up like I fuck everything else up. Were not talking anymore and I'm not going into details. She's in college now. And I'm starting college in January. She wrote me an e-mail saying we haven't talked in a long time. And I worte her an e-mail as well telling her I miss her. But she hasn't written me back. I hope she still loves me like I love her.
I think all that shit up there was an excuse to write about her really. Because she reminds me of what i miss and love in her. and hopefully we'll see each other on the beach someday together seeing another shooting star.